Make The Circle Bigger

"The problem with the world is that we draw the circle of our family too small." - Mother Theresa 

We moved to Johannesburg when I was 6 months pregnant with our first child. I knew no one save for my very busy sister in law.  No one.  It was not so bad until my babe was born.  A newborn, first born, alone, my husband at work and a child that would not, could not sleep.   I loved her so.  I was amazed at the expansion of my heart but simultaneously I was exhausted, lonely and depressed. Time passed, babe slept, another was born and friends were found.  I will however, never forget those desperate early days when I longed for company, for care and for understanding, I longed for my mother and my friends, for my tribe. Mine is not a unique story.

The nuclear parent is sold down the river.  We are told to believe that in our little high walled houses, armed with technology and disposable nappies, we will raise text book perfect kids and if we don't its mere failure on our part, not the system's.  Goodness. I threw away the books, binned the lot when I realised that was not going to be my reality.  Picture perfect it was/is not.  I needed people, people who had children, people who were raising other imperfect beings. I needed to widen the circle.

If there is one thing children are wonderful at its widening the circle.  They make friends wherever they go, they are best friends in an instant, some of these friendships extend to the end of the hour when we leave the park while others remain for years.  They approach people with freedom and fearlessness.  It is this interaction and the honest openness of their hearts from which we can learn.  I am not suggesting taking people home you meet in the park, nor throwing your doors open to hapless strangers (I am far too South African to entertain the notion) but rather to be a little less fearful of those we meet and send fewer folk into exile.

I now have a wonderful support system, partly hired (thank you Thandi and god bless your cotton socks!) and the rest are amazing friends on whom I lean often.  I even have surrogate grandparents who regularly fetch my child from school and periodically take my children out along with their own grandchildren!

Recently I was filling in a school application form for my youngest child,  they wanted to know a) who lived in our house (we needed very little space to answer) and b) who are the important people in her life (much more space required).  The thing is, few of the important people are relatives, they are friends who have taken on family importance.  Tribal status. It does take a village to raise a child.  To do it on your own is absolute insanity and unbelievably lonely.

 " We need to widen our circles and titles that relate us to each other rather than those that divide us into smaller and smaller groups, family groups, political groups, religious groups, racial groups.  I think this might be the only way to save the world from the meagerness of our own hearts. It took a child to show me this." - Elizabeth Lesser.

And talking of children and their wonderful perception of the world, this weeks craft is more of an art (yay!) which focuses on drawing with a little technique.  It is a fun thing to do with any child of drawing age (not scribbling age) for the results are unimportant.

The following figure drawing exercise I did with 8-11 year old children at Kairos School.  The children were divided into groups of 4, two children posed while two drew.  They then swoped tasks.  These are some of the wonderful results!

Each drawing is a wonderful, honest rendition of how they see.  Lets learn a little from the children we are raising.